24 February, 2008

17 August 07 - Words to Describe Myself

describing myself and news of the week

Well, I found an old friend. It's been a long time, and we have both been through a lot it seems. I look forward to finding what the future holds for us.

Random thought: Someday I still want to learn to dance. Anybody have a partner for me? The hubby isn't so into it. 6' or taller please, prefer male but butch lesbian could do just fine ;)

Link that keeps coming over and over, so I'll disseminate it here: Manualist performs "Bohemian Rhapsody"

In other news, a few weeks ago was my first board meeting as a BOD member with the SVBT. It was a frustrating conference call and somewhat chaotic. Chaos is the enemy, it gets me all riled up, though anyone who knows me well knows that for me "all riled up" lookes like insanely calm with the very-scary-very-quiet-and-intense-voice. One interesting result of the meeting was a request for an "updated" bio for the board member section of the website. I've been feeling really fragmented lately, so it was harder than I thought it would be to encapsulate the important parts of my recent professional endeavors. The process, however, reacquainted me with some of the qualities I constantly seek to develop in myself.

When chatting with friends and such, I frequently say I've never been accused of being "nice." This is acceptable to me because I don't think "nice" is very important. Being well-liked is far less important to me than being well-respected (read: right all the time *wink*). Of course, the question is raised, what adjectives do I seek? Here are a few for your perusal.

Ethical. Willing to follow the morally correct course of action within the relevancy of my own sphere, regardless of whether it is the easiest or most efficient path. For me, knowing my own ethics is easy, and even resisting applying them to others is relatively easy. The hardest thing is to brush off criticism of my own ethics.

Competent. Qualified to do the things I do, and do them well. This is sometimes hard to reconcile with my abhorration of complacency - constantly learning new things decreases my competence by definition. (At least temporarily)

Eloquent. Expressing myself succinctly and powerfully using written and verbal speech. Unfortunately, this is NOT the same as being verbose, which I do quite well 8)

Esteemed. This goes along with respected, but I think captures more clearly what I crave. I want people to look up to me, to desire my expertise and have valid reasons to trust that expertise.

Ambitious. Insert your own pre-conceived notions here, then abandon them as I hope to abandon my own.


Trustworthy. It seems this means something different to every person I know. However, for me, trustworthy means something akin to honest. My mantra is "Say what I mean, mean what I say." My closest friends understand this about me. My honesty is the reason my dogs, and friends, trust me - it is also one of my greatest weaknesses. Ironically enough, I feel that my manner of communicating leads to my being poorly understood. By meaning what I say, and saying what I mean, I take away the mysterious shroud often named "ulterior motive" or "what's in it for her?" -- All that remains is the trustable truth - and most people don't know how to process that type of behavior. So the question is, do I change myself, or change the world - or content myself with being misunderstood in my naked honesty? The answer of course is to change myself. Either my behavior or my level of contentment. Changing anyone outside myself is not within my power.

Pragmatic. Now, practicality may not seem compatible with the rest of the words on this lofty list, but I do my best. Sometimes impelling pragmatic answers out of challenging situations requires creativity. Lucky for me, I have plenty of creativity, seasoned with the tiny dash of diplomacy (not enough, but all I can muster), practical solutions are one of my specialties.

Responsible. My control-freak nature feeds right into this. I enjoy responsbility. Accountability for tasks, concepts and my own condition. I'm not always good at it, but I do gravitate toward it. I'll improve with practice.

Loyal. Sometimes to a fault. Once my loyalty is merited, you're stuck with it. Some accuse me of altruism. I'm not sure how to reconcile this.

Cynical. Because something has to save me from myself.

Well, that's my list. What's your list?


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