Well, I'm at the point now where I vacillate between giddy enthusiasm and nausea with general malaise. The weekend was tough with trailer problems and the electricity at the house being out for 10 most inopportune hours, putting me behind on laundry and homework.
The homework is done, the trailer is fixed, the laundry is clean. The camper is all packed and I will fold it down and hitch up tonight. The car is almost all packed and I just need to run to the store for a few things before leaving ungodly early tomorrow.
Lucy is ready. She is physically and mentally fit and has been looking great in practice. We had a little discussion during practice yesterday that ended in mutual understanding. Carolynn and John made it possible for us to haul out to a local hay field and stretch out a bit. It felt good. She is a well-trained dog and her biggest liability is clearly me.
I've been working on ME. Working hard. A friend prompted me to define what exactly I am nervous about. I don't want to look foolish, I feel like I got in by the skin of my teeth and some people would consider the trials my points came from "easy." I don't want to let my dog down, I want her to look good and want people to like her. I worry I will disappoint my mentors and friends if our run goes badly. I worry that I will be a "sore loser" if it does go badly. I worry that if there is a mistake on the course, I won't be able to shake it off and straighten myself out for the rest of the run. I feel like I don't belong, like my name being in the program with those other names isn't quite right.
Mostly it boils town to a perfectionistic overthinker who has a global fear of failure.
Alas, the time for worry is mostly through. I'm off work for a whole week!!! (WOW) And I've turned in all my homework in advance so I have little to worry about while away. The hubby is staying home with Magick, the cats and Stanley. The collies and Zora are coming on the road with me and they will all have fun either way. The camper is going for its inaugural trip and hopefully it will keep working! I will get to spend a week away with friends and dogs, watching some of the most amazing teams in the US and Canada walk to the post. What a privilege. Thank you, Lucy for making it happen.